I am doerr90. A reference to John Doerr, partner at venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins, formerly Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers (KPCB). and I’m fashionable so I tried to get a gig as a draper91. A reference to investor Tim Draper, founder of Menlo Park-based venture capital firm Draper Fisher Jurvetson (DFJ).
But I scored miserably and that ended in an epic diSaaStr92. A reference to Saastr, the world's largest community of SaaS executives, founders, and entrepreneurs.
I was cast as a naked pod for twenty minutes93. A reference to The Twenty Minute VC, a popular podcast for venture capitalists.
It felt like selling the startup of me and getting diluted94. A reference to LinkedIn Founder Reid Hoffman’s book The Start Up Of You.
95. A reference to Microsoft acquiring LinkedIn.
Mark said the biggest risk is not taking any risk96. A reference to Mark Zuckerberg’s famous advice “The biggest risk is not taking any risk” which he allegedly received from Peter Thiel.
Truth is, being successful is not about swag or luck
I was rocking gray shirts before the NCAA and Zuck97. A reference to NCAA’s grey shirting rule. A grey shirt is an incoming college freshman who postpones his enrollment in classes until the second term of his freshman year. The NCAA allows college athletes five years to complete four years of eligibility after initial enrollment.
98. A reference to Mark Zuckerberg’s love for gray shirts.
Being successful is about timing
As in how much time it’ll take you to fail and get back at it like a champ99. A reference to Champ Ventures, a leading Australian mid-market private equity firm.
Because you know how the song goes: if you can’t succeed then fail fast100. A reference to Silicon Valley’s mantra “Fail fast”.
When you think about it, George Lucas has a point101. A reference to Lucas Point Ventures, a private NY-based investment company that advises and invests in early stage companies.:
You simply have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going102. A reference to an allegedly famous Internet quote from George Lucas.Find your legatum in this world and lift people out of mental poverty103. A reference to MIT’s Legatum Center’s mission which is to “lift people out of poverty”.
Observe the challenges and become the answer through your doing
I am hitting you hard with my “see, be104. A phonetic reference to business analytics CB Insights. The phonetic reference "see, bee" also points to the previous line: “See" refers to "Observe the challenges" and "Be" refers to "Become the answer").” insights because I love you105. A reference to CB Insights’ Anand Sanwal’s famous closing note in his newsletter (“I Love You”).
And my beef is with your cap table, not you
You need a mentor who can shield your founder106. A reference to Founder Shield, a leading Commercial Insurance Broker for venture-backed startups and high-growth companies. assets
I don’t know kickboxing but I’m an equity kicker107. A reference to Forward Partners’ Nic Brisbourne’s blog (The Equity Kicker).
I feel your pain and I just want to help you
Like Thiel, I want to put my face in your book108. A reference to venture capitalist Peter Thiel being the first investor of Facebook.
And build a rad109. A reference to Tinder CEO Sean Rad. relationship that won’t be swept away110. A reference to Tinder’s swipe functionality.
So one last piece of advice before you take it away:
You may want fancy flying cars111. A reference to Peter Thiel’s famous quote about Twitter and the decelerating rate of technological innovation (“We wanted flying cars, instead we got 140 characters”). and to be able to fund founders112. A reference to Peter Thiel’s San Francisco-based venture capital firm Founders Fund.
But first you need to build up113. A reference to global impact firm BUILDUP.vc. your character with 140 errors
Move things and break them fast114. A reference to Facebook’s old mantra “Most fast and break things”., don’t be scared to make your first mark115. A reference to New York-based venture capital firm FirstMark Capital.
And if the results gross you out, bring your idea back to the lab116. A reference to Bill Gross, founder of California-based startup studio IdeaLab.
I am not asking you to change your name
And eat Graham117. A reference to Y Combinator’s Paul Graham’s post about not owning your .com name. crackers for the rest of your life
But you’re on a galactic118. A reference to Richard Branson’s spaceflight company Virgin Galactic. expedition and success is the only option
Because the tech space got a lot more competitive
You got Rocket-landing videos that are breaking the Internet119. A reference to venture builder Rocket Internet.
120. A reference to a SpaceX video featuring the company's rocket landing on a ship at sea for the first time. The video was hugely successful on social media.
And a startup craze that goes from XYZ to just X121. A reference to the popularity of tech companies that use alphabet letters in their names and to Elon Musk’s X.com which was an online bank. Google’s parent company Alphabet owns the abc.xyz domain name.
Welcome to the new Spelling Economy
Where betting on the alphabet is big business
If you have issues with this, come to my office
And let’s sit on both sides of the table122. A reference to Mark Suster’s blog (Both Sides Of The Table).
I’ll explain the rationale behind the obvious123. A reference to San Francisco-based venture capital firm Obvious Ventures.:
The best way to not get screwed is to freaking succeed.