Diary Entry 1 – The Interplay
Listen real carefully: the best way to not get screwed is to succeed
It’s a war out there, you gotta be careful when raising your seed
You have no true partner so learn to benchmark your ventures
Because tech dudes will try to crunch you on your first round
So, if you borrowed seed money from a Colombian friend
Pay your pal and his mafia back before shit hits the fan
Mark my words carefully because this is going to be big
And share them with your antie, broer and suster:
Even lawyers will screw you on your own cap table
I don’t wanna be starting something like Jackson
But someone needs to break it down for you:
Raising dumb money is not a catalyst for change
Shave off your insecurities for a moment: do you really need a billi
All you need is 1 Million to get by and 1 Million to scale decently
So don’t be accepting checks from yet another VC
Unless there is a damn good reason for it
Like having a Japanese investor from Kawasaki
Or a Cuban cash cow, those boys are mavericks
The VC that walked barefoot with you is ok
But all the others must bring data
You gotta understand the interplay between cash and nada
Your burn rate is high and so if that investor
Who tries to organize your startup’s information
And make it universally accessible and useful for a valuation
A lot of VCs talk you into big numbers
And make it look like you are full of talent
When in reality, you’re as dull as a blank slate
The industry is full of clichés that make your club look like an ace
They want you to believe that you’ll make the world a better place
You are consumed by the matrix
And your social mission is your capital
As if banking in Silicon Valley
Makes you the world’s flagship venture
Don’t be evil, pay it forward, stay young, stay foolish
And all that good jazz that makes you think you’re the ish
Don’t confuse my words with sound investment advice
I got 500 hats but a VC ain’t one
I’m just the dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.