Diary Entry 7 – Friend or Foe (VCs Like Me)
VCs like me will sing some shit that make them sound biblical
Just to get your attention and raise your thought level to critical
Our words are subliminal, they transcend reality and stay on your mind
But don’t take our advice literally, you gotta do you before trusting my kind
We don’t even trust each other when the camera stops rolling
And sometimes we back some powerful shit but our eyes keep rolling
Like when Jamaican VCs hear Fred Wilson talk about setting shop in Africa
They are down with the message cause it sounds righteous like Jah
But they ain’t really shipping their asses back to Ethiopia
VCs like me always sing some shit that make them sound cynical
We love the attention and we’ll raise your thought level to critical
Just to get you to think real hard about our vanity and all our vices
But don’t get it twisted, you better listen to Anand’s advice
We are not your friends, we’re just here to royally screw you
That Uber crisis is a reflection of us all, we scale your sh*t and grill you
And then we get more love from these stans, it’s fucked up, ain’t it?
See all these kids do is hear about us raising new funds
And they want to get one cause they think the shit is cool
Not getting that we’re just promoting ourselves, we fucking bloggers
Of course those tweets are affecting our Klout, you ignoramus
But we keep on pretending that there’s something deeper at play
Cause the myth must live on, even when you startup gets played
VCs will sing some shit about you that’s not always ethical
So you can get fired up and raise your beef level to critical
Cause an angry entrepreneur is a hungry hustler
That’s why we blog for these kids, who don’t have a thing
Except for a Silicon Valley dream that ain’t happening
Who post pin-up quotes from us on the gram all day long
Idolize they favorite investors though they know it’s all wrong
And you’re probably wondering why they love selfish dudes like us
We’re nothin’ to you but we be the fucking shit in their eyes
We keep their dreams alive and sometimes we even get real
Cause one of them might just be the next big thing on the Hill
That’s why we take those pitch meetings between two kosher meals
And love to peek at that deck while they twitch nervously
They thought they pique our interest but all we want is that IP
And so we seize the moment, try to freeze that slide and own it
Mentally squeezing it and smiling, while they consider these minutes golden
And maybe we’ll admit when they’re gone that their idea was spot on
But the myth must live on, so we go back and blog on
About how cool our lives are, while they keep chasing us like Pokemons.